


in another (lack of) world

by Cheeky_The_Monkey



Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Deke struggles with an actual job, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Peggy is a good friend and boss, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27089407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeky_The_Monkey/pseuds/Cheeky_The_Monkey
Summary: Deke has an unpleasant reminder of his life in the lighthouse. Luckily his boss Peggy Carter is there to help him through it.Written for Whumptober 2020! Day 18 Prompt: Panic Attacks.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951183
Kudos: 23
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	in another (lack of) world

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! If you're coming from my fic An Odd Family Tree then this is set in the time that Deke and Peggy were bros!
> 
> If not, and this totally a standalone fic, I hope you enjoy!

Deke locked the room to his office before slumping in his wheelie chair with a long sigh. Being Director of SHIELD was _tough,_ especially for someone who had made his name by faking his way up the ranks. But SHIELD was a very real organization that was in need of some very _real_ leadership, and since he was a part of the group that had screwed up the timeline for those poor folks, Deke felt some responsibility to try and take up the mantle.

(Okay, that was fake too at first, but as time passed he realized that it was very serious and this was going to be a job he would actually commit to.)

“Tired already?”

Deke pulled his head out his hands to shoot a tired grin at his only boss. “Yeah Pegs, been a rough day.”

Peggy Carter looked up from her paperwork and folded her arms in what Deke could only describe as a stern motherly pose. “Tomorrow’s India mission is important, they’re relying on you. Don’t you dare make me oversee it all last minute like you did last time.”

Though he was definitely being told off, he couldn’t help but find Peggy’s British scoldings quite endearing. Whenever it was aimed at Deke, her words of exasperation were often wrapped in a hidden layer of concern visible only to Deke himself. And he appreciated it. It reminded him a lot of his Nana.

“I won’t.” He assured, stretching out his arms. “I just… it’s just I never thought this would be my life, y’know?”

Peggy’s face softened in sympathy. “Not many people plan on becoming agents from the beginning.” She said. “But the point is that you are now, you’re director of all people, and you need to get a hold of yourself if you’re going to be a good leader.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m just being stupid and overreacting again.”

“You’re not.” She stated firmly. “Don’t ever put yourself down again. That’s my job.”

Deke scoffed. “Sure, _mom.”_

“Don’t forget it.” Peggy smiled. Though a very hard and professional person, she’d always had a soft spot for the mysterious young director who’d apparently appeared out of nowhere to save the day. He was loud, arrogant, and annoying, but underneath all that Peggy could see an unbelievably kind, selfless and somewhat broken boy that was smothered in tragedy. And though he was rather secretive about his past, she didn’t want him to feel like he was alone. He was charming in his own way and got along with every single one of the agents.

Besides, he was miles better than Howard Stark.

“Deke, Agent Price brought something up for you to greenlight.” She said, pulling out a briefcase from the corner of the room.

“Did she?” Deke asked, rubbing his eyes. He was genuinely exhausted. “Okay, I’ll check it out. Pass it over.”

Peggy handed him the leather briefcase and he opened it curiously. Inside was a group of small black screens with wires hanging below. 

“Um, okay. What do they do?”

“They’re some form of communication device, apparently.” Peggy informed him. “Built upon Stark’s request. They’re to be inserted into an agent’s wrist so that they can send a distress signal even if they’re disarmed.”

Deke felt his heart sink. “I- _Into_ the wrist?”

“That’s what she told me. I greenlighted it since it sounds like a rather good idea, but she wanted your opinion too.”

Deke’s opinion..?

_He’d just been standing in front of everyone, barely sixteen, desperately hoping that he wasn’t inhuman. He wasn’t, but his only friend Heather was, and he watched as she emerged from her chrysalis and was murdered on sight. But Deke had long since known not to get too attached to things, so he spared himself the tears._

_They dragged the rest of the teens away, himself included, and lined them up along the wall. One by one, they were called forward and were forced to present their wrists. Deke knew what was happening to them, but still squeezed his eyes shut with every scream. He was at the end of the line, figuratively and literally._

_When the Kree finally reached him, the others were too busy nursing their fresh wounds to notice that he’d lost all courage and was openly crying._

_One of the Kree laughed._

_“The Shaw boy.” He’d said. “Look at you now. Pity, I was almost hoping you’d turn out to be a filthy inhuman, then we’d have an excuse to kill you. Any fanciful ideas about being saved running through your head too, boy?”_

_Deke shook his head. “N-No, sir.”_

_The Kree soldier laughed again and grabbed his wrist tightly._

_“P-Please!” Deke cried as his skinny arm was lifted up. “Please don’t!”_

_As much as he wanted to, Deke couldn’t look away as the token device was hovered over his wrist. In a matter of seconds his life would be changed forever. All children of the lighthouse had a dream that they would be different. They would be the one to save the others, to take down the Kree and to never conform to their system of slavery._

_Deke screamed in agony as the device was plunged deep into his flesh, roughly slicing through his skin and rupturing his blood vessels. He could feel a pool of blood building up beneath the surface but was blocked by the massive metal item now resting within his body, making him nauseous and scared and in pain and-_

“Deke?!”

And he was in his office. In his lap was a briefcase full of tiny little token devices. His hands were blue as he examined them. He was the Kree. He was about to subject his agents to the life of slavery he’d tried so hard to forget. He was going to-

_“Deke!”_

The briefcase that was sitting in front of him clattered to the ground, and in its place was a crouching Peggy Carter looking up at him in concern. “Deke, you need to breathe. With me now: in… out… in… out…”

Deke followed her breathing until he could feel himself again. His skin was pale, not blue. Through the window he’s specifically requested to be built in his office, he could see the sky and the trees and the sun and people laughing and the Earth, full of hope and happiness as it should be.

“Are you alright?” Peggy asked, cautiously putting her hands over his.

He took another deep breath and focused his gaze on Peggy’s calloused, wrinkled yet slender hands and pointedly tried to avoid looking at the scar on his wrist. 

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine.” He said, his voice shaking ever so slightly. “Just… I don’t think the wrist comms are a good idea.”

Peggy nodded solemnly, and Deke felt thankful to have like her in his life. Someone who didn’t care if he lost his dignity in front of her, despite his status. Someone who understood the importance of a decision without questioning it first.

Because Peggy knew Deke Shaw well enough that he would never react so extremely without a very good reason. And despite his flaws, she would trust him with her life.

“Of course. I’ll get someone to tell Agent Price for you.”

Deke smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Peg. Now let’s go over India for tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment :)


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